Hidden Agenda In Cub Scout Manual?

In a previous post, I detailed a bizarre showdown among suburban Dads at a Cub Scout event. It was odd, and I probably should have been tipped off by the grown men in short sleeve Cub Scout shirts, and the inexplicable dirty looks I got when I failed to stand during the Pledge of Allegiance.

At the time, it just seemed goofy, not sinister. But in the manner of an investigative reporter, I got my hands on the Cub Scout manual, and found some shocking material. A cursory examination leaves you warm and fuzzy–young boys doing stuff with their Dads, earning pins and patches for mastering such valuable skills as bundling newspapers and jogging in place for 5 minutes. There are even lots of pictures of African Americans to provide a veneer of rectitude.

But a sensitive reading of this estimable tome reveals a seedy subtext–morally corrupt and seditious. I really want you to make up your own mind, but I just want to suggest a theory. The Cub Scouts have been infiltrated by Zionists or Communists or both.

Item 1- A clear directive for naval sabotage. A veritable how-to of ship scuttling. Very subversive.


Item 2- Corruption of minors. This might as well be entitled, Billy’s First Beer. First they make the little Scout do the grilling, and then Dude swoops down with a Busch Lite to inaugurate a life of debauchery and decadence. Please note the look of approval on the face of the older “confirmed bachelor” at the table.


Item 3- This one really speaks for itself. As those young lithe Scouts glide by, their youthful muscles undulating through the luke-warm water, where is Dude’s right hand?


I don’t go in much for conspiracy theories, but my god, the Cub Scouts must be stopped. Our future could depend on it.

Published in: on February 4, 2007 at 4:08 pm  Comments (2)  

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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Bwahaha. Too funny.

  2. I aims to please.

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